Fall wind gives another push to the red orange brown leaves - fullness of summer's growth shining bright as day, letting go bit by bit as we head toward the stillness of winter. I can feel the culmination of so much work, as the final energetic lint balls of summer's healings get swept away to further reveal the ancient, baby-fresh Truth of who I Am, held in this sea of Forgiveness.
I Am: One gigantic incarnated, multi-bodied deity. Each of us perfectly where we are in our realization of this truth. Living on this unfathomably intelligent, generous, responsive Earth.
I am learning to live in Forgiveness. It arises naturally in the expansion of my awareness. I practice it by bringing mindfulness to it.
I am taking time with Forgiveness. Breathing it in. Breathing it out. It's so much bigger than I ever thought it was. Probably so much bigger than I even know now.
I worked hard for years to achieve a state of forgiveness for those who'd harmed me with their energy, words or actions. I worked to release anger and resentment. At best, I achieved acceptance based on the knowing that "hurt people hurt people" - they have suffered, and so they do harm. But forgiveness? No, not really.
I worked hard to forgive myself for intentionally or accidentally harming others or myself. I learned to practice shifting out of the deep neural grooves I'd carved from feelings of guilt and regret. It brought some relief. But forgiveness? For myself? Not really.
The balm that finally released me to freedom is the Forgiveness that arises from the realization that everyone is in the process of waking up to the truth of our unity. No one is left out of this process. We are each literally doing the best we can, given the awareness we currently have. And every bit of everything is happening perfectly, in right timing.
When I say "awareness", I am specifically referring to the awareness of our unity. Everything affects everything. If you don't truly know that everything is connected, it seems fine to put your material success above others' basic needs. It seems fine to simmer in judgment of yourself or others. It seems fine to waste resources. At this level of awareness, you truly do not know that your energy, intentions, words and actions affect everyone and everything. The journey into awareness is indeed a journey, with layers and phases, ebbs and flows, big and small awakenings. Walking this path, your alignment is inevitable. Not that you're perfect and blissed out all the time, but you begin to become aligned. The map of life is enlightened, read easily by your heart's compass. You continue to learn and make choices as best you can, and your growing awareness guides you to source those choices in love. You know when something you've felt, said or done feels off, you lovingly accept what is, you correct left or right to stay the course, and you continue on. You grow to live a life of intention, knowing that you affect everything.
Even if you know you'll harm yourself or someone else by doing something, and you choose to do it anyway, that is the level of awareness you currently have, and you are doing the best you can with that awareness. Your awareness in that moment literally does not allow you to act differently. You are perfectly where you are on your spiritual journey, always. Every experience you have and every choice you make is here to help you learn, as you awaken to Truth. It's a journey. It spans lifetimes. And every experience and every choice exists in a neverending sea of Forgiveness.
And so you do the thing and you cause suffering, and here you are with the feelings of guilt, shame, regret. These feelings are messages from your internal compass. They are a gift. They are your heart's voice. When you hurt someone, including yourself, you feel bad. The "bad" feeling is a teacher, here to help you make new choices on your awakening journey, rightly timed with your growing awareness of our unity.
You are not meant to suffer. You are not meant to flog yourself for the rest of your days. Your higher self does not ask this of you. You are here for love - here to love, and to be loved. In all ways. Always. Your experience of fear, separation and suffering is a temporary forgetfulness of who you are. Free will allows you - has always allowed humans - to choose love and unity, or fear and separation.
In every moment, you are free to shut down, ignore your feelings and carry on with life. You are free to continue condemning others or doing the painful acts, and to replay the feelings of anger/resentment or guilt/shame/regret over and over until you die. Because you are a human, you have the gift of free will. The path of separation is available to you. And in this choosing, you are sacred. You are loved exactly as you are, in your divine perfection, wherever you are on your journey of awakening.
In every moment, you are free to change. You are free to hear your heart, let go of any contracts you've made with yourself to uphold beliefs, stances, loyalties, behaviors, or ways of thinking or feeling that separate you from your true self, other beings or the Earth. You are free to drop them like a hot coal, and begin a new way of being. You are free to step into love in every moment. You are free to let go of "I can't, I'm not, I'm too old, it's too late." You are free to start now.
In every moment, you are free to experience forgiveness for the separation you have caused or experienced. You are free to feel and witness your feelings. You are free to choose a loving way of being with yourself and in this world. You are free to zoom out to a larger perspective, to enter a field of grace where love and learning are available to you right now. Because you are a human, you have the gift of free will. The path of love and unity is available to you. And in this choosing, you are sacred. You are loved exactly as you are, in your divine perfection, wherever you are on this journey of awakening.
Across lifetimes, across all timelines, in all concurrent realities, everything is forgiven.
Everything is always returning to the light, perfectly.
From this perspective, Forgiveness isn't about a person.
It's not about you or me. It just Is.
In every moment, Forgiveness holds all things sacred.
May all beings be completely healed and awakened. May the light of Forgiveness spread like a balm through the hearts of all beings, so that we may be free to heal and to remember, integrate and fully embody the Truth of who we really are. May all beings choose love and unity, to live in harmony with the Earth and all things. May the pure light of love shine brilliantly and be known through every perfect human expression, free from fear, in the ineffable Truth and beauty of our unified divinity.
Riding the waves
of this profound divine incarnate experience
with gratitude, trust, courage and love,